One reason Monty Python’s 40-year-old skits still are funny, is that the Python boys didn’t engage in comtemporary satire, but parody. They didn’t make fun of specific politicians or celebrities, but of the typical politician type, and so on. You can more or less say the same about the first movies from Zucker, Zucker & Abrahams; “Airplane!”, “Top Secret!” and the others. Sure, you recognized nods to certain movies, but these movies mainly poked fun at different movie genres,
Then came “Scary Movie” and from that moment on, they were parodying specific, popular movies in a never-ending string of movies sporting the word “movie” in the title. Myslf, I’ve of course seen the vast majority of the movies they make fun of, but I’ve no idea how they work if you haven’t. Maybe it’s like attending a party crammed with unknown people, telling funny anecdotes about people you don’t know.
The first two “Scary Movie” flicks were pretty bad, unlike part three and especially part four - okay, shoot my, but I find them hilarious and have seem them lots of times. Much worse is the set of films written and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Certainly they were involved with the screenplays of all for Scary Movies, but on their own, they’re horrible.
The first one was “Date Movie” - an incompetent and embarrasing movie. “Epic Movie” was piss-awful. “Meet the Spartans” had a few funny jokes, bu sucked as a whole. I haven’t seen “Disaster Movie”, but people claim it’ even worse than “Date Movie”.
Now they’re back with a movie that in’t called “Vampire Movie”, but “Vampires Suck”, and this time it’s of course “The Twilight Saga” they’re making fun of - and I mean “Twilight” and nothing else. This movie wasn’t screened to the press were I live, so I had to attend the regular opening last Wednesday. It was sold out and the audience the same that loves the “Twilight” movies: teenagers and mainly girls.
What we got to see was something reminiscent of a MAD Magazine parody of “Twilight” - the only thing missing was art by Mort Drucker.
“Vampies Suck” almost follows the storyline from the first three “Twilight” movies scene by scene. The characters sometimes have the same names as in the original, and the movie looks about the same. It’s gray and slow moving. It gets even slower since people insit on doing things in slow-motion every now and then.
Jenn Proske plays the sullen Becca, who moves to a small town in the woods where she has to live with her dad, the sheriff, who’s proud of his mustache and points out his daughter sure has grown a pair of big titties since last he saw her. Becca is depressed and litens to pop muic with lyrics about being a sulen, sad teenager - one song sounds like something Trey Parker could’ve made.
But then she meets the mysterious Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter); he likes walking in slow-motion, he’s pale and he behaves kind of weird. All girls drool after him, but he disses them all. Ecept for Becca. You see - just like in “Twilight”.
The long-haired native American Jacob (Chris Riggi) shows up. He falls in love with Becca, but he’s having problems with his hormones. He chases cats. He suddenly gets a snout, pointed ears and a tail, and he can turn himself into a chihuahua.
Evil is represented by three bad vampires running around the woods killing people and being mistaken for Black Eyed Peas. And then we have the mighty vampire sect that’s popped over from Italy.
Without lying, I dare to say this is the best movie this far from Friendberg and Selter. “Vampires Suck” is not good, but it’s not nnoyingly bad. It’s rather harmless and I laughed a couple of times. One scene is among the funniest I’ve seen: Becca i sleeping in her bed, having nightmares. Edward sneak up behind her ... and she farts at him so deafening he falls over backwards and out of a window. Yeah, I like nenderthal humor like this...
The bare chested, bodybuilding werewolf guys are also funny. Not unexpected, they dance in a very gay manner to “It’s rining men”. When Chris Riggi shows up porting short hair and half naked, the girls net to me shouted “But - he’s gorgeous!” Riggi is better looking than Taylor Lautner, and above all a better actor - he’s the funniest guy in “Vampires Suck”.
Right, the movie opens and end with a battle between Team Edward and Team Jacob; hundreds of teen girls fighting each other with shovels and stuff.
But this movie lasts 90 minutes and is way too long. And most of it isn’t very funny. Way to often they point out what’s supposed to be the joke, as if the audience doesn’t get it.
Fact is I laughed more when I saw the real “Twilight” movies.
Something I guess I wasn’t supposed to do.
